That Weird, Nameless Oneshot About Dwight Houston
by speculate
Summary: I'm terrible at titles. CP Coulter's Dalton!verse. Oneshot. Dwight finds a girl who's just like him. Cracky fluff. Review?


**(A/N) Oh dear. I apologize for this existing. **

**I did it to satisfy my Dwight fix. I love him, alright? *sigh***

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters. That is owned by FOX. I do not own the fanfiction Dalton or any of its OCs. They belong to the amazingness that is CP Coulter. Go read Dalton. Seriously.**

**(Though I doubt you'd be reading this fanfiction if you hadn't read Dalton already, I felt obliged to say that anyway.)**

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><p>"I'm here to see my brother," she said with a light air in her voice. Blaine gave her a curious look and stepped forward to speak to her. He extended a hand. "I'm Blaine Ander-"<p>

"AWAY, FOUL CREATURE!" she shrieked, reaching into her pocket and to retrieve salt. She threw it in Blaine's face, and he spluttered.

"Curious-," said Ethan.

"And curiouser," finished Evan.

The girl who'd kicked open the door to the Windsor House, well, _was_ Dwight.

Only, well. Female.

She was wearing black skinny jeans and a ghost buster shirt. Her hair was long, straight and black. Her near- black eyes were guarded and darting around quickly. She had a belt hanging loosely around her hips (a compartment belt loaded with a crucifix, a holy water spray bottle, a jar full of rock salt, and other strange, paranormal-fighty items) over a long black trench coat.

The girl was Dwight, only female.

Kurt, who'd, giggling, approached to swipe the salt off of a befuddled Blaine's blazer, asked, "And who is your brother? And who are you?"

The girl righted herself, shooting Blaine a look, and said, distinguished, "Hansel is my brother. I require his assistance to get rid of a bug in my laptop. I needed it done at the fastest, as I need it to research paranormal activities in my immediate area, and to make a new order to the salt company for a new shipment." She shot a glare at everyone, as if daring them to question her sanity. "I'm Junie."

Behind her, (as she, aiming her spray bottle carefully at Reed, asked calmly whether the red paint on his face was the work of a demon who'd shed blood) the Twins were restraining their laughter. "Dwight's turned into a girl!" Ethan said to his brother in a hushed tone.

Evan's eyes widened. "You don't think-"

"No, can't be-"

"But what if-"

"Dwight's really actually and truly turned into a girl!"

"What if it's the work of a demon?"

"We can't possibly believe-"

"Dwight's not crazy after all?"

Ethan nodded. "There is only one way to find out."

They both grabbed their Nerf guns off of a nearby couch and hurdled up the stairs to Dwight's room, banging on the door loudly. "Dwight!" they yelled. "Are you in there? Or have you been succumbed to the work of an evil gender swapping demon?"

There was the unmistakable sound of several locks clicking out of place. Dwight opened his door a smidgen, peering out. "What's this about a demon?"

"Downstairs!" Evan chirped.

"There's a girl!"

Dwight paused. "…And?"

"She's _you_!"

Dwight scoffed. "She is _not_ me. I am me."

"She's just like you," Ethan reasoned. "It's weird. We thought maybe you were turned into a girl."

Dwight nodded slowly. "Hmm. Yes. Incredibly possible. Could have been the work of a demon. Good work, Tweedles."

The Twins nodded, happy to be praised by the "hunter".

Another lock slid out of place and Dwight fully emerged from his cave. "Let's go see this imposter," he said determinedly.

When they slid down the stairs, Junie turned her attention to the Twins. "Doppelgangers!" she yelled, pointing to them.

"Twins," David corrected.

Junie glared, muttering something that sounded quite a lot like "strange, unnatural little beasts."

Her gaze then moved to Dwight. "…Doppelganger?" she repeated, only this time it sounded more like a question than an accusation.

"Doppelganger," said Dwight.

They approached each other carefully. When they got within five feet, they both sprang to life; Dwight threw rock salt, Junie spritzed holy water- and they both yelled "DEMON!" at the tops of their lungs.

Dwight started to make a salt circle around himself and the rest of the Windsors. "Don't go near her-!" he cried. "She's obviously the work an amateur demon or dark wizard who tried to duplicate me but swapped the gender by accident!"

"Please!" Junie spat. "You're the imposter!"

"Um, Han?" Charlie called, trying to take control of the situation. "Some help? Your sister's here."

"_Oh_," came Han's voice. "_Great_."

"Oh, real nice," said Junie distastefully. "I need you to fix my laptop so I can continue my research and order my new salt shipment! And my medallion- the clasp on the chain- it's broken! I need to order a new one before I'm attacked! I'm bound to be ambushed by demons anywhere I go without its protection!"

Dwight lowered his newly clasped crucifix a fraction of an inch. "You… have a medallion too?" he asked timidly.

"Of course," Junie scoffed. "Who doesn't?"

"You'd be surprised," Dwight mumbled. He pulled his own out from underneath his blazer to show her.

Junie's eyes widened. "It's… very nice," she admitted.

"I… I can fix the clasp on yours, if you want," Dwight muttered, eyes on his shoes. "Mine breaks all the time, and I spend most of my extra money on salt instead of new chains."

Junie lowered her hand, which clutched a large amount of salt. "That… that is very nice of you," she said.

"_Um, sorry to break up this strange-fest_," said Han, "_but Dwight, if you're still having doubts, I can assure you that, even though my sister is eccentric as you, she is no demon._"

"Oh," said Dwight. "Um, okay."

"_Ethan, Evan, can you send up Junie's laptop? Should take me, like, two minutes to fix it. She can wait down there_."

"Wait- down here?" Junie asked nervously. "But- surely there's no anti- supernatural protection in this place, and without my medallion-"

"Actually," Dwight inputted, "I've protected every inch of this house. But the protection in my room is much stronger. I'm sure… a fellow hunter like yourself would be allowed to cross the salt line on the threshold of my door? And I can fix the clasp on your medallion…" he finished lamely.

Junie shuffled her feet awkwardly. "Uh, yeah, sure-"

Dwight gasped, checked his watch and swore. "I'm about to miss Supernatural!"

Junie's eyes widened underneath her thick black bangs. "No! I totally forgot, being in the presence of all this bad energy!" she cried, glaring at the Windsors as though it were somehow their fault she'd forgotten to check her watch.

"Well, come on!" Dwight cried. "We can watch in my room!"

"Go!" She tossed her laptop to one of the Twins (Ethan, Evan, did it really matter?) and ushered Dwight up the staircase.

The Windsors watched as the tails of the two hunters' trench coats disappeared from sight around a corner at the top of the staircase. "Well," Wes said. "That was odd."

"Curious," Ethan corrected.

"Curiouser," said his twin.

Reed, however, was staring at the staircase in horror. "There's _more_ of him?" he cried in terror. He remembered vividly the day when Dwight had put salt in every one of his cans of paint because he'd speculated that they were laced with nitroglycerin and cyanide, among different types of poisons. Reed had had to buy a whole new set.

"Looks like it," Blaine muttered, still vaguely irked at the grains of salt that simply refused to be removed from his lapel.

The Twins just smirked. They had a feeling that they'd be seeing a lot more of Junie. It looked like they had a new nickname to come up with.

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><p><strong>(AN) If you review this crack!fic, I will fix the clasps on all of your medallions.**


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